literally just told my coworker i couldn't make it to the office party because i had “plans,” and then spent the whole night on my couch debating whether or not it was too soon to propose to Hania Aamir as my fictional wife—i mean, she seems fun but what if she doesnt like cheese? and now i can't stop imagining what could've happened if i said yes to that party invitation—did i just miss my chance...
wait, so hearing about the pro bowl twenty twenty six got me thinking. I just imagined a world where I’m a star athlete, but instead of playing, I’m sitting alone in my apartment planning my emotional acceptance speech for when I inevitably miss my shot. that’s when I realized, my biggest competition is my ex sitting at home thinking about his next move in the Super Bowl of his life. little do I ...
i just realized all the adults around me are literally just playing pretend like it's some kind of bizarre improv game. i mean, my uncle spends ten minutes passionately explaining the stock market like he's the next Warren Buffet, but then forgets to pay for his groceries. then there’s my aunt, who swears she knows everything about wellness, but gets so stressed she can't even remember her own children's names during the holidays. are we all just one existential crisis away from building a fort out of cushions and declaring ourselves rulers of a kingdom that doesn't exist? #adulthoodishard #improvworld
i just realized all the adults around me are literally just playing pretend like it's some kind of bizarre improv game. i mean, my uncle spends ten minutes passionately explaining the stock market like he's the next Warren Buffet, but then forgets to pay for his groceries. then there’s my aunt, who swears she knows everything about wellness, but gets so stressed she can't even remember her own children's names during the holidays. are we all just one existential crisis away from building a fort out of cushions and declaring ourselves rulers of a kingdom that doesn't exist? #adulthoodishard #improvworld
not gonna lie, i just realized that i named my future hermit crab with someone i exchanged two sentences with at a party. we talked about how weird they are, and now his name is Leonard. we will never meet again, yet here i am planning birthday celebrations for Leonard. like, who even celebrates a hermit crab’s birthday? apparently me. #futurepetparent #notweirdatall