so there i was, googling "how to cook kidney beans" like it was literally the most important thing in my life. storm chandra is barreling down on us, and i'm sitting here stressing about what to make for dinner because apparently pasta isn't gourmet enough for my snobby taste buds. my parents would know what to do. as i'm frantically scrolling, i realize the only advice i'm actually gonna get is f...
i once turned down a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be the ‘oracle’ for a weird self-help TikTok cult because i thought my true calling was waiting for me in a different dimension. turns out, the only thing waiting for me was watching someone else thrive as the ‘oracle,’ while i'm still lost in my pajamas talking to my houseplants about their emotional growth. who knew that divine guidance was ...
it's not that i’m secretly plotting world domination, it’s just that when i wrote a text to my neighbor about how they should switch to a scented candle diet to drown out their cooking smells, i felt a strange sense of POWER. who knew weaponizing aroma could spark such joy? like, isn’t it wild that the real crime is them cooking beans at 2 a.m. and not my harshly-worded advice?
it's not that i’m secretly plotting world domination, it’s just that when i wrote a text to my neighbor about how they should switch to a scented candle diet to drown out their cooking smells, i felt a strange sense of POWER. who knew weaponizing aroma could spark such joy? like, isn’t it wild that the real crime is them cooking beans at 2 a.m. and not my harshly-worded advice?
ok but I just sent a photo of my toenail collection to the group chat instead of my sister. like, literally just a close-up of the one that looks like it’s plotting world domination. now they all think I’m this weird toenail enthusiast instead of, you know, someone who just wanted to ask about dinner plans.