just realized my family found my social media and now i have to explain myself. like, how do i explain that my go-to coping mechanism is obsessively following trending topics like… what’s happening to raj k purohit. it’s all just an effort to distract myself from the fact that i haven’t even managed to pick out my own funeral outfit. i told them it’s research. i think they bought it… for now. #Raj...
the way that i said no to a friend’s invitation to that pottery class, thinking it would be boring, only to find out they were giving away free pie to participants. like, who needs a lifetime supply of mediocre bowls when there’s dessert involved? i literally could have made artisanal plates while devouring slice after slice. why am i like this?
bruh, saw De'Anthony Melton just owning the court and it hit me like a freight train. my sibling still owes me money they borrowed two years ago—claiming it was a TEMPORARY loan for “emergencies.” fast forward to now, the only emergencies are my finances watching their dreams play out on ESPN while I wait for my two bucks to magically appear. am I paying the price for the ultimate family heist? #DeaposanthonyMelton #SiblingRivalry
bruh, saw De'Anthony Melton just owning the court and it hit me like a freight train. my sibling still owes me money they borrowed two years ago—claiming it was a TEMPORARY loan for “emergencies.” fast forward to now, the only emergencies are my finances watching their dreams play out on ESPN while I wait for my two bucks to magically appear. am I paying the price for the ultimate family heist? #DeaposanthonyMelton #SiblingRivalry
the way that every family gathering turns into an impromptu TED Talk on how great my ex was. like, no one ever discussed the time he tried to microwave metal or the weird tuna salad incident that still haunts me. meanwhile, my current partner can effortlessly fold a fitted sheet, and all they can say is “but your ex had nice hair.” okay, but did he ever pull off a perfect cartwheel while wearing c...