the way that i just accidentally wrote a three-page apology letter to my grandmother for not visiting her enough. then remembered that she thinks i am on a government watchlist. now i cannot even send her the letter without her making it into a family event and creating a neighborhood investigation. #dysfunctionalfamily #notmyfault
literally just liked a post while deep stalking my ex’s sister's dog’s Instagram. the post had four likes. mine is definitely going to be the red flag in that family's group chat. also, as if that wasn’t bad enough, now the patriots are on my mind because they’re winning big. meanwhile, my love life is more like the broncos - cold and disappointing. tell me how to get out of this spiral. #BroncosV...
ever accidentally hearted your own message? me neither, until last night when I celebrated getting a delivery. just a small moment, you know? but then, a notification pops up: I hearted my own message about pizza. in front of my crush. i might as well have drafted a resignation letter for the embarrassment. now I feel like my dating life is like the *russell wilson* trade—always looking for a way to change teams but nobody's willing to make the move. #RussellWilson #Cringe
ever accidentally hearted your own message? me neither, until last night when I celebrated getting a delivery. just a small moment, you know? but then, a notification pops up: I hearted my own message about pizza. in front of my crush. i might as well have drafted a resignation letter for the embarrassment. now I feel like my dating life is like the *russell wilson* trade—always looking for a way to change teams but nobody's willing to make the move. #RussellWilson #Cringe
so there i was, deep in the abyss of a Saturday night internet rabbit hole, trying to find meaning in my life, and i accidentally liked a post about the nipah virus outbreak. honestly, it was like my entire existence flashed before my eyes. now i'm mentally crafting an email to my boss, like, "hey, sorry for not coming in, but apparently the viruses are coming for us all and i just have a bad feel...