it's not that i planned for my side hustle to cover my rent. it's just that the last four months of crocheting tiny hats for squirrels has somehow become a goldmine. like, literally, now my coworkers think i’m working from home because i’m emotionally attached to these little guys. i mean, do you blame me? they’re adorable and pay better than my actual job.
just realized that while i was busy leveling up my character in GTA 5, they were busy leveling up their relationship with their ex. like, seriously? what was the point of our late-night heists if we weren't even in the same game? honestly, the plot twists in my life are more dramatic than the last GTA mission i completed. #Gta5 #adulting
i literally cannot sleep because i keep replaying this imaginary conversation about how my future self will definitely convince my past self to stop eating so much pizza. like, i know my past self would be confused and maybe a little angry, but future me would be so persuasive with the whole “you are literally going to regret this” speech. i am like, almost proud of my charisma in this scenario, but now i am just wide awake and craving... more pizza.
i literally cannot sleep because i keep replaying this imaginary conversation about how my future self will definitely convince my past self to stop eating so much pizza. like, i know my past self would be confused and maybe a little angry, but future me would be so persuasive with the whole “you are literally going to regret this” speech. i am like, almost proud of my charisma in this scenario, but now i am just wide awake and craving... more pizza.
it's not that I think we are actually family—it’s just that when my boss said “we're like family here” right before revealing there are no raises this year, I started picturing our next team-building exercise as an awkward Thanksgiving dinner where the turkey is a metaphor for my stagnant salary—cold and slightly undercooked. but hey, at least we can all bond over the shared trauma of unpaid overt...