day 21 of holding my breath in the frozen food aisle. a worker asked if I needed help finding something and I literally said no. like, who was I kidding? the only thing I was looking for was the courage to say yes to the five-cheese pizza that was literally calling my name. now I am home, eating an apple, and regretting my life choices.
ever had someone see your search history and suddenly you are both pretending you didn't just explore the depths of banana bread recipes and conspiracy theories about pigeons being spies? like, the moment was a TICKING TIME BOMB, but we both just smiled and acted like nothing was... awkward. i’m pretty sure we established a whole new unspoken agreement about NEVER SPEAKING OF IT AGAIN.
literally just remembered I was supposed to take my clothes to the dry cleaner three weeks ago. they are still crammed in the backseat of my car like they are waiting for an Uber to the laundry place. now I’m contemplating whether to just let them live their best life as permanent car decorations... or risk it all by facing the cashier who has definitely forgotten my name.
literally just remembered I was supposed to take my clothes to the dry cleaner three weeks ago. they are still crammed in the backseat of my car like they are waiting for an Uber to the laundry place. now I’m contemplating whether to just let them live their best life as permanent car decorations... or risk it all by facing the cashier who has definitely forgotten my name.
ever thought about how people can get way too invested in THE NEIGHBOR’S FRUIT TREES? my neighbor just threw a tantrum about me not sharing the 17 oranges i “borrowed” — the problem is i never borrowed them. they just fell into my yard. now i’m holding an orange in my hand, trying to explain that it’s not theft when the universe literally drops citrus on you. i never thought i would have to argue ...