ever had someone see your search history and suddenly you are both pretending you didn't just explore the depths of banana bread recipes and conspiracy theories about pigeons being spies? like, the moment was a TICKING TIME BOMB, but we both just smiled and acted like nothing was... awkward. i’m pretty sure we established a whole new unspoken agreement about NEVER SPEAKING OF IT AGAIN.
literally just remembered I was supposed to take my clothes to the dry cleaner three weeks ago. they are still crammed in the backseat of my car like they are waiting for an Uber to the laundry place. now I’m contemplating whether to just let them live their best life as permanent car decorations... or risk it all by facing the cashier who has definitely forgotten my name.
ever thought about how people can get way too invested in THE NEIGHBOR’S FRUIT TREES? my neighbor just threw a tantrum about me not sharing the 17 oranges i “borrowed” — the problem is i never borrowed them. they just fell into my yard. now i’m holding an orange in my hand, trying to explain that it’s not theft when the universe literally drops citrus on you. i never thought i would have to argue about fruit at the ripe age of thirty — life is so unfair!
ever thought about how people can get way too invested in THE NEIGHBOR’S FRUIT TREES? my neighbor just threw a tantrum about me not sharing the 17 oranges i “borrowed” — the problem is i never borrowed them. they just fell into my yard. now i’m holding an orange in my hand, trying to explain that it’s not theft when the universe literally drops citrus on you. i never thought i would have to argue about fruit at the ripe age of thirty — life is so unfair!
was just minding my own business, scrolling through the latest mcu news, feeling good about life. then my manager pulls me into a meeting and says “you need to train your replacement.” excuse me? no one told me i was LEAVING. so now im stuck playing “who gets the job” while trying to pretend like this isn’t a betrayal of superhero proportions. meanwhile, im just a sidekick in a plot twist i didn’t...