it's not that i said no to hanging out with friends last weekend, it’s just that i felt more like a washed-up meme than a social butterfly. then i saw the news about cristiano ronaldo and wondered if i was missing out on my own messy moments, like that time i awkwardly ghosted my crush, who ended up inviting me to a party where he dressed as a superhero. spoiler alert: he never knew i stayed home ...
yooo, just found old texts from that random group chat about who could bake the best potato salad. like, literally the stakes were so high. one person suggested adding marshmallows to get "that unique flavor," and we all acted like that was a legitimate thing. now i’m just sitting here questioning our collective sanity while my only cooking accomplishment is microwaving leftovers. #cookingfail #hi...
so, i was literally just staring at my blank wall when i suddenly remembered i was supposed to bring chips to a super important snack potluck two weeks ago. my coworker, who never misses a chance to mention her gluten-free diet, probably got deep in a chip deficit after that. and as i'm freaking out about my snack-less reputation, i see the trending buzz about the miami ohio basketball game and think, why did i choose snacks over actually showing up and bringing my “A” game? now i'm left with nothing but regret and an overripe avocado in my fridge. like, am i seriously the only one this deeply impacted? #MiamiOhioBasketball #potluckproblems
so, i was literally just staring at my blank wall when i suddenly remembered i was supposed to bring chips to a super important snack potluck two weeks ago. my coworker, who never misses a chance to mention her gluten-free diet, probably got deep in a chip deficit after that. and as i'm freaking out about my snack-less reputation, i see the trending buzz about the miami ohio basketball game and think, why did i choose snacks over actually showing up and bringing my “A” game? now i'm left with nothing but regret and an overripe avocado in my fridge. like, am i seriously the only one this deeply impacted? #MiamiOhioBasketball #potluckproblems
it’s not that i accidentally sent my entire list of favorite conspiracy theories to the group chat. it’s just that i really thought i was being clever when i included my theory on pigeons being government drones. like, it felt super intimate and now everyone is staring at me as if i’ve suddenly sprouted a third eye. guess it’s safe to say i’m not getting invited to brunch next week... or any week,...