i just found out my crush is as committed to avoiding relationships as a certain someone named sharjeel imam is to… well, you know. so here i am, manifesting a future where they are magically into me while simultaneously stressing over why they don’t want a partner. as if that isn't enough, i just bought a bunch of candles to set the mood for the non-existent romance. guess they will just serve a...
honestly, just saw that Piper Rockelle made bank on OnlyFans and I realized I’ve been focusing on—like—ALL the wrong things for years. my high school self spent more time organizing my binder than plotting a millionaire scheme. now I am four cat memes away from a meltdown and here I am, still in my childhood bedroom, plotting my “become famous on the internet” plan—except it involves a lot more ba...
not gonna lie, my parents just asked me to be the mediator in their divorce. like, they think i’m some sort of therapist, but the last time i gave advice was in middle school when i told a friend to text their crush 'hey' instead of 'hello'. things did not end well. next week, they’re both bringing me to dinner and i’m going to have to negotiate terms like it’s some court case—meanwhile i’m googling “how to diffuse a family feud” and praying the calcutta high court doesn't need to be involved. #CalcuttaHighCourt #DivorceDrama
not gonna lie, my parents just asked me to be the mediator in their divorce. like, they think i’m some sort of therapist, but the last time i gave advice was in middle school when i told a friend to text their crush 'hey' instead of 'hello'. things did not end well. next week, they’re both bringing me to dinner and i’m going to have to negotiate terms like it’s some court case—meanwhile i’m googling “how to diffuse a family feud” and praying the calcutta high court doesn't need to be involved. #CalcuttaHighCourt #DivorceDrama
do you ever say no to a free lifetime supply of novelty socks because you think it's too ridiculous? because i literally just did that. i mean, who says no to socks that glow in the dark and have tacos on them? now i am sitting here regretting it, wishing i had asked for the entire inventory. at least now my feet are boring and unremarkable, and honestly, that feels like a punishment for my poor l...