i just saw alexei popyrin rebooting his career, and suddenly, my own life choices flashed before my eyes. my family found my social media and now they know my secret shame—my awkward obsession with how many hours i spend in the existential abyss that is reality television. i tried to explain, but all they wanted to talk about was the “recovery” mindset while i was still wondering how i’m going to ...
i just found out my crush is as committed to avoiding relationships as a certain someone named sharjeel imam is to… well, you know. so here i am, manifesting a future where they are magically into me while simultaneously stressing over why they don’t want a partner. as if that isn't enough, i just bought a bunch of candles to set the mood for the non-existent romance. guess they will just serve a...
honestly, just saw that Piper Rockelle made bank on OnlyFans and I realized I’ve been focusing on—like—ALL the wrong things for years. my high school self spent more time organizing my binder than plotting a millionaire scheme. now I am four cat memes away from a meltdown and here I am, still in my childhood bedroom, plotting my “become famous on the internet” plan—except it involves a lot more banana bread baking than desired. now I’m watching 13 year olds living my dream and wondering if my destiny was written in those misplaced binders all along. #PiperRockelleLink #MidlifeCrisis
honestly, just saw that Piper Rockelle made bank on OnlyFans and I realized I’ve been focusing on—like—ALL the wrong things for years. my high school self spent more time organizing my binder than plotting a millionaire scheme. now I am four cat memes away from a meltdown and here I am, still in my childhood bedroom, plotting my “become famous on the internet” plan—except it involves a lot more banana bread baking than desired. now I’m watching 13 year olds living my dream and wondering if my destiny was written in those misplaced binders all along. #PiperRockelleLink #MidlifeCrisis
not gonna lie, my parents just asked me to be the mediator in their divorce. like, they think i’m some sort of therapist, but the last time i gave advice was in middle school when i told a friend to text their crush 'hey' instead of 'hello'. things did not end well. next week, they’re both bringing me to dinner and i’m going to have to negotiate terms like it’s some court case—meanwhile i’m googli...