last night, i randomly realized my old laptop is getting more action than my dating life—like, it’s literally posting on social media while i’m here being ghosted. ngl, seeing it ‘in a new relationship’ felt like an existential crisis with a side of nostalgia, and i’m just like… i put way too much faith in a hunk of metal while actively getting emotionally rejected by humans. it’s 3am and i’m cont...
my sibling borrowed money ‘temporarily’ two years ago to buy a “life-changing” gardening kit. last week, they sent me a picture of the massive zucchini they grew and called it their retirement plan. pretty sure that plant’s the only thing paying them back.
i was just trying to reconnect with a friend, ngl, but then i found my ex's entire fantasy football league chat while they were asleep. tbh, seeing him strategize with a bunch of random dudes about transferring 'players' made me realize my life choices would probably make better drama than Wrexham's transfer window. now, i can’t decide what’s worse: my ex planning fake victories while i'm drowning in real life responsibilities, or the thought of checking their phone just to witness that circus. #WrexhamStandings #RealLifeMess
i was just trying to reconnect with a friend, ngl, but then i found my ex's entire fantasy football league chat while they were asleep. tbh, seeing him strategize with a bunch of random dudes about transferring 'players' made me realize my life choices would probably make better drama than Wrexham's transfer window. now, i can’t decide what’s worse: my ex planning fake victories while i'm drowning in real life responsibilities, or the thought of checking their phone just to witness that circus. #WrexhamStandings #RealLifeMess
wait, accidentally liked a post from my ex's vacation to Bali 47 weeks ago, and now my phone thinks we’re best friends again—like, you can stop showing me ads for plane tickets, I’m still broke and sunburned from last summer’s “staycation.”