sometimes i think about how i gave up my art to chase this quick cash but honestly it feels like all the creativity just evaporated with every failed trade, and now it’s like i literally do not even know who i am anymore without the hustle, which is kind of depressing when you actually think about it.
saw a neighbor get their car fixed at this fancy place while i am just here hoping my old junker doesn’t break down again, feels like every little repair is a mountain. my son had a birthday party and all the kids got these new toys and i watched them play while i stood there with the same two battered action figures from last year, just sinking sinking into this feeling.
i went to the grocery store today and felt this weird emptiness watching everyone else grab their organic produce and specialty cheeses while i’m just here trying to stretch my paycheck that barely covers rent for this tiny apartment with the peeling paint, and all i could think was how i keep playing by the rules but my life looks more like a checklist of missed chances and unfunded dreams.
i went to the grocery store today and felt this weird emptiness watching everyone else grab their organic produce and specialty cheeses while i’m just here trying to stretch my paycheck that barely covers rent for this tiny apartment with the peeling paint, and all i could think was how i keep playing by the rules but my life looks more like a checklist of missed chances and unfunded dreams.
yaar, matlab samjho na, four years later, and they are still setting up matrimonial profiles like it is a hobby—घर वाले समझते नहीं that I exist outside of their little fairytale. sometimes I just want to send them a memo saying “hello, I am right here and not just a background character in your outdated soap opera.”