it's not that i don't believe in loyalty—it’s just that my boss literally said, “we’re like family here”—and then told us we wouldn’t get raises this year. like, my dysfunctional family actually gives me birthday money—what’s this emotional extortion? i had a whole internal meltdown—can we hire SRK to do some family counseling instead? #Srk #drama
honestly, i spent a decade waiting for the "right time" to learn how to ride a bike. now here i am at 32, finally ready, and guess who just broke their leg? me. not even from trying to ride—just from tripping over it in my living room because who needs to actually, you know, get on the bike?... do they make adult training wheels?
it's not that i regret not becoming a professional athlete, it's just that every time i hear about that dion dawkins fine, i think back to high school when i accidentally took the wrong bus home... and ended up in a whole different county. could've gone to college on a scholarship for something but instead, i’m just trying to figure out how to pay rent for a studio that's way too small. guess we can't all tackle our way to success. #DionDawkins #lifechoices
it's not that i regret not becoming a professional athlete, it's just that every time i hear about that dion dawkins fine, i think back to high school when i accidentally took the wrong bus home... and ended up in a whole different county. could've gone to college on a scholarship for something but instead, i’m just trying to figure out how to pay rent for a studio that's way too small. guess we can't all tackle our way to success. #DionDawkins #lifechoices
it's not that i didn't notice my ex and my friend hanging out more often, it's just... ngl, i thought they were starting a band or something. like, who knew they were in a "situation"? tbh, i found out when my mom casually mentioned how nice it was that they're "finally official." so now i'm at home with a pint of ice cream trying to figure out if it’s cooler to support them or plot their downfall...