ok but did anyone else get their screen time report and just go, "wait, how did I spend three hours researching ‘how to perfect microwave popcorn’?" like, my grandma is on her fourth divorce, and i’m out here planning an entire cooking revolution for a snack that takes two minutes. by the end of it, i was way more invested in the kernels' backstory than my own life. #unexpectedpriorities #microwav...
it’s three am and i just found out that amazon is cutting 16,000 jobs. somehow this spiraled into me wondering if the mailman is going to be out of work soon too. i mean, does that mean my packages will arrive on foot instead of by drone? next thing you know, i’m sitting here contemplating a future where my new couch is personally delivered by a confused postal worker who can't make sense of my tr...
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i spent years prioritizing the perfect garden, like literally watering every plant at dawn. but i didn’t realize my next-door neighbor had been secretly using my prized tomatoes as a way to bait squirrels to invade his backyard. so now, i’m not just playing catch up on my career. i'm also going to therapy for betrayal… by my own vegetables.