the way that my neighbor insists on talking about his hydroponic lettuce like it’s some kind of Michelin-star meal is genuinely astonishing. like, do you want to have a cook-off with your arugula or should we just keep it casual? no because every time i water my sad little houseplant, i feel like it’s judging me for my lack of gourmet culinary skills. #lifeinwhispers #neighborhoodnonsense
it's not that i’m obsessed. it’s just that every time i pass by the sandwich shop, i think about the cute guy who serves pickles with a passion. one time, he smiled at me, and now i'm convinced we’re meant to carve out a life together filled with artisanal bread and well-crafted deli meat. i might have just signed us up for an olive oil tasting class in my head.
lmao, just realized i'm basically like emilia clarke in her latest role. dedicated to this company like khaleesi in battle, only to find out they’re planning to replace me faster than she can say 'motherf—ker, what?!' been loyal through all the drama and guess what? they still send my emails to the junk folder. i think i might just start casting spells to secure my own future. #EmiliaClarke #workdrama
lmao, just realized i'm basically like emilia clarke in her latest role. dedicated to this company like khaleesi in battle, only to find out they’re planning to replace me faster than she can say 'motherf—ker, what?!' been loyal through all the drama and guess what? they still send my emails to the junk folder. i think i might just start casting spells to secure my own future. #EmiliaClarke #workdrama
just realized the family toaster is getting more affection than i ever have. it gets shiny new bread every morning, while i still search for leftovers in the fridge at three in the afternoon. last week it got a dedicated cleaning, but nobody noticed my existential crisis as i dropped my sandwich. can we get some priorities here? #kitchenbetrayal #toasterappreciation