wait, you ever realize you’ve been mentally scripting your rebuttals for an argument about cat toys with a friend who doesn’t even own a cat? the wild part is, i keep flipping through the imaginary dialogue like a dramatic screenplay, even though we both just awkwardly stared at that $300 cat tree the whole time. #overthinking #argumentsinsidemyhead
last night I found myself creating an entire narrative of my future fights in the octagon as if I could be in the UFC. rehearsing my "I keep it on the feet" line for my imaginary promo while realizing I haven’t even resolved the laundry that's been on my floor for two weeks. just me, a UFC championship belt, and no clue how to handle a plain old Tuesday. #Ufc #ProcrastinationIsTheRealFight
it's two in the afternoon and i just discovered the office microwave has a secret "time travel" setting. the remaining five of us who survived the layoffs decided to experiment. why eat leftovers now when you could pop them into a portal of despair and forget how empty the breakroom feels? now i’m a culinary physicist, and my workload has doubled faster than the time it takes for my heart to sink when i think about my former coworkers. should i start writing my memoir or just learn to accept reality? #weirdhobbies #officemagic
it's two in the afternoon and i just discovered the office microwave has a secret "time travel" setting. the remaining five of us who survived the layoffs decided to experiment. why eat leftovers now when you could pop them into a portal of despair and forget how empty the breakroom feels? now i’m a culinary physicist, and my workload has doubled faster than the time it takes for my heart to sink when i think about my former coworkers. should i start writing my memoir or just learn to accept reality? #weirdhobbies #officemagic
not gonna lie, i just spent thirty minutes calculating how different my life would be if i had just chosen a different pizza topping back in twenty fourteen— like, what if i had chosen anchovies instead of pineapple? would i have traveled the world or just been mildly confused at Italian restaurants? honestly, the thought of a parallel universe where i am a distinguished anchovy connoisseur really...