lmao, so my parents are getting divorced and somehow i'm, like, the one mediating all their drama now. yesterday my dad tried to give me advice about “relationship communication” while he was literally texting his new girlfriend during our conversation. i swear, i could write a whole memoir on what NOT to do from my life experience— i can't even manage a first date, and here i am managing a divorc...
...so I told them I couldn’t hang out because my cactus needed emotional support... not lying, it’s been looking a little droopy lately. Honestly, who can even go out and *spend* money when your plant's got ISSUES?
not gonna lie, I just realized my notes app is basically a vault of my inner chaos. like, I have literally four different lists on how to convincingly pretend to be a human during family dinners. one includes strategies for deflecting questions about my love life using various vegetable metaphors. honestly, if my family ever saw it, they would not only think I’m unhinged, but they would try to put me on a literal vegetable diet to fix me.
not gonna lie, I just realized my notes app is basically a vault of my inner chaos. like, I have literally four different lists on how to convincingly pretend to be a human during family dinners. one includes strategies for deflecting questions about my love life using various vegetable metaphors. honestly, if my family ever saw it, they would not only think I’m unhinged, but they would try to put me on a literal vegetable diet to fix me.
just read the news about how the U.S. is "locked and loaded" and suddenly remember the time I accidentally deleted a month’s worth of reports. my boss calmly explained how it’s like when you say you will rescue someone, but really, you're just sitting at your desk crying, wondering if this was all part of the plan. if they only knew how much i’m stressing over office snacks instead of global polit...