so i went to the store thinking i could treat myself to ONE frozen pizza for dinner since the pantry is basically empty and guess what? it was 8 dollars but i found myself debating if it was literally worth eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner all week while still somehow thinking “maybe if i make it fancy it will feel like a 5 star meal.” but now i am going home with nothing, still hungry, and ...
so i just spent twenty minutes nodding along in a meeting about a project that i honestly have no clue about and now i'm convinced i agreed to single-handedly save the world from paperclips or something. like, why do i always zone out when the accountant starts talking numbers that sound like a secret language of frustration?
so i got this new job where i literally make fortune cookies, right? but the catch is, the company says my success depends on their "positive affirmations," which i think is code for literally just printing “you're gonna get rich” inside cookies and then charging people for the disappointment, like how is this even a real thing.
so i got this new job where i literally make fortune cookies, right? but the catch is, the company says my success depends on their "positive affirmations," which i think is code for literally just printing “you're gonna get rich” inside cookies and then charging people for the disappointment, like how is this even a real thing.
so the dog somehow got into the trash and i just walked into a whole buffet of moldy pizza and coffee grounds like is this the afterlife. and now i am left wondering if this is my life’s biggest fail or the world’s weirdest canine buffet, because somehow both sound equally plausible.