...so when my family found my secret Pinterest board for funeral attire, I thought, "Great, I’m literally preparing for the inevitable." Then I imagined them finding my list of potential headstones that literally include the phrases “finally at peace” and “told you so.” Honestly, now I need to find a way to explain that it’s for "research" for my next book about the hilarity of life and death… whi...
ever bought a fancy lamp to "light up your life" only to realize it costs more than your last five meals combined? now i'm in a staring contest with it, wondering if it’s too late to say i’m just a sucker for anything that glows like it has its own therapist.
literally, my family group chat is the reason I wake up at three in the morning thinking about existential dread. like, who knew discussing “Missouri versus Alabama” basketball would spiral into a debate about Uncle Joe’s strange obsession with beet farming? honestly, by the time I read Aunt Linda’s rant about her new garden gnome, I am more stressed than I ever felt during finals week. at this point, I’d rather be on a Zoom call with my boss asking why I haven’t met any deadlines than scroll through their chaos. #MissouriVsAlabama #FamilyDrama
literally, my family group chat is the reason I wake up at three in the morning thinking about existential dread. like, who knew discussing “Missouri versus Alabama” basketball would spiral into a debate about Uncle Joe’s strange obsession with beet farming? honestly, by the time I read Aunt Linda’s rant about her new garden gnome, I am more stressed than I ever felt during finals week. at this point, I’d rather be on a Zoom call with my boss asking why I haven’t met any deadlines than scroll through their chaos. #MissouriVsAlabama #FamilyDrama
yooo, so I traded my stable job for this wild dream of being a full-time kite-wrangler. like, I thought the sky was the limit until my first gig went sideways, and now I’m standing in a field, desperately trying to convince the neighbors my "art" isn’t just me chasing after a rogue kite. bruh, I’m like one bad gust away from funding my passion with "please take my kid’s old toys" signs. like, seri...