literally thought I could indulge myself after hearing all this NBA trade drama. bought a pair of sneakers that look like they were designed by a committee of raccoons on sugar, because—obviously—that's what my life needed. so, I’m struttin’ around feeling fly until the credit card bill hits. the shoes just turned into my personal version of the three-team trade—major upgrades in my closet, but th...
i was voice texting my brother about how much i love collecting weird vintage spoons. yes, spoons. instead of saying "they remind me of the different people i've met," i accidentally said, "they remind me of the different ways i can be disappointed by my family." i sent it before i could delete it. now he thinks my spoon collection is a metaphor for my emotional baggage, and honestly? maybe it is.
honestly, i just finished reading that new book by chuck klosterman about football and felt like it was literally me reflecting on my own terrible decision to start an adult dodgeball team. i thought it would be fun, like, rekindling my childhood, but turns out dodging a ball from someone with a vendetta is not the midlife crisis solution i needed. now my back hurts, and i’m facing the disappointment of everyone i told, especially since no one asked to join anyway. #ChuckKlosterman #AdultingFails
honestly, i just finished reading that new book by chuck klosterman about football and felt like it was literally me reflecting on my own terrible decision to start an adult dodgeball team. i thought it would be fun, like, rekindling my childhood, but turns out dodging a ball from someone with a vendetta is not the midlife crisis solution i needed. now my back hurts, and i’m facing the disappointment of everyone i told, especially since no one asked to join anyway. #ChuckKlosterman #AdultingFails
so there i was, scrolling through my camera roll, and i had to stop and apologize to my toaster for all those random pictures of bread. like, seriously, i have three different angles of a bagel that’s never even toasted. now i’m over here trying to figure out how to explain that at my future trial for being the world’s most mundane bread enthusiast. i am so sorry, really. #breadlover #whathaveidon...