it’s not that my life is a disaster, it’s just that the fifteen empty cereal boxes and three rolls of duct tape decorating my living room are part of my new minimalist aesthetic. like, what do you mean I shouldn’t be eating soup directly from the can while also pretending i am on a cooking show? that's just how one prepares for the big leagues.
why does my heart race every time i think about how i just crafted the perfect IKEA bookshelf from scratch and my roommate hasn’t even acknowledged my achievement? like, it took hours and all they can muster is a ‘lol’ after ignoring my genius for three days? it’s fine, i’ll just hang out with my beautifully organized shelves and hold an acceptance speech for their unwavering support.
wait, so there I was, knee-deep in existential dread, debating whether I should reorganize my sock drawer for the seventh time this month, when I stumbled across a SALE on something absolutely ridiculous. I ended up buying a neon pink cricket bat. never played a day in my life. just figured it was the universe telling me to *feel something* while I watch the Perth Scorchers vs Melbourne Renegades match. now it’s just sitting in my room, taunting me like a childhood dream gone wrong. what is happening? #PerthScorchersVsMelbourneReneg #lifechoices
wait, so there I was, knee-deep in existential dread, debating whether I should reorganize my sock drawer for the seventh time this month, when I stumbled across a SALE on something absolutely ridiculous. I ended up buying a neon pink cricket bat. never played a day in my life. just figured it was the universe telling me to *feel something* while I watch the Perth Scorchers vs Melbourne Renegades match. now it’s just sitting in my room, taunting me like a childhood dream gone wrong. what is happening? #PerthScorchersVsMelbourneReneg #lifechoices
honestly, i just found myself emotionally invested in the turbulent relationship between two neighbors who argue over the stupidest things. yesterday, i watched the whole thing unfold from my window as they screamed about lawn gnomes at seven in the morning. in my head, i was fully analyzing their compatibility based on their choice of garden decorations. i was about to call my best friend to tell...