the way that i accidentally voice texted my deep-seated wish to become a houseplant while standing in the grocery aisle and now my phone is forever cursed with “i just want to photosynthesize and listen to the rain.” and the cashier looked at me like i was serious, but honestly, maybe i am.
yooo, just bought a mini blender I definitely did not need. it was on sale, right? now i feel like i have to start a smoothie business before tomorrow’s weather turns icy, and i'm left making slushies while sobbing into my kale. it's fine, everything's fine. #TomorrowWeather #WhyAmIDoingThis
have you ever found yourself writing a heartfelt message about your neighbor's bizarre obsession with lawn gnomes? you know, the kind of note that explores the deep emotional toll of being startled by a ceramic dwarf in the middle of the night? well, i crafted a masterpiece in my notes app, really put my feelings into it. then, in a moment of absolute sheer panic, i accidentally sent that screenshot to them instead. their response was just a simple "thanks for the insight." and now, i can never look at gnomes the same way again.
have you ever found yourself writing a heartfelt message about your neighbor's bizarre obsession with lawn gnomes? you know, the kind of note that explores the deep emotional toll of being startled by a ceramic dwarf in the middle of the night? well, i crafted a masterpiece in my notes app, really put my feelings into it. then, in a moment of absolute sheer panic, i accidentally sent that screenshot to them instead. their response was just a simple "thanks for the insight." and now, i can never look at gnomes the same way again.
why did i just spend ten minutes googling the correct way to boil an egg? i mean, my parents literally taught me this when i was eight. now here i am, an adult, fully equipped with an advanced degree, about to watch a YouTube tutorial on something a chicken does instinctively. i might as well be reading a novel on how to make toast.