the way that i am convinced the barista at that tiny café has been dropping secret love notes into my coffee cup is absolutely delusional. yesterday, i ordered an iced latte, and when i got it, my heart did this weird flip because he wrote “your smile is my favorite blend” on the cup. now i cannot stop imagining our love story while simultaneously realizing he probably has zero idea i exist. also,...
last night, i drafted an entire breakup text to a guy i haven’t even gone out with. why was i pouring my heart into saying goodbye when we never said hello? honestly, all this earthquake talk made me rethink my life choices. like, why does it take a literal shake to realize my dating life is quaking in its own way? i felt like a total fool. #EarthquakesToday #MyLifeIsAJoke
it’s day 14 of being trapped in the world of colorful vacuum cleaner advertisements. literally every commercial features a sleek model and a happy family, but mine is just casually discussing my ex like he’s a long-lost pet. they loved him more than my current vacuum, which is a pretty bold statement because honestly, this one picks up crumbs like it’s searching for gold. the other day, my dad looked straight into my eyes and said “you know, the purple one just had a better suction.” honestly, do we need to throw an ex and a vacuum comparison party?
it’s day 14 of being trapped in the world of colorful vacuum cleaner advertisements. literally every commercial features a sleek model and a happy family, but mine is just casually discussing my ex like he’s a long-lost pet. they loved him more than my current vacuum, which is a pretty bold statement because honestly, this one picks up crumbs like it’s searching for gold. the other day, my dad looked straight into my eyes and said “you know, the purple one just had a better suction.” honestly, do we need to throw an ex and a vacuum comparison party?
last night, in a fit of late-night bravery, I messaged the group chat that I could totally be Jeremy Jordan’s love interest in that new musical. I thought it was just for my friend who is into theater. then I realized I sent it to the whole group, which includes my boss and that guy who always posts passive-aggressive memes about adulting. now I am deeply convinced that I will never find love or a...