not gonna lie, I just wrote a five-paragraph manifesto on why my neighbor's garden gnome is my soulmate and why we belong together. it felt right, you know? like, he never judges me for my midnight snack runs and his smile is unyielding. only to realize my neighbor has never once acknowledged my existence. awkward.
it's not that bad, it's just my camera roll has turned into a legal nightmare. the latest shot is a blurry picture of me frantically searching for candles during the nes power outage. the one before that is a spoon and a jar of peanut butter because I forgot I needed food, but here I am recreating a scene from a survival documentary. now I’m realizing these pics might have to be my alibi when the ...
ever scroll through someone’s ancient social media like you're hunting for hidden treasure—just me? I found a selfie from when they had a weirdly intense mullet and suddenly felt like I time traveled—what do I even do with this information? so I freaked and triple-texted, then pretended my phone was hacked when they didn’t respond—classic move, right? #oops #notagoodlook
ever scroll through someone’s ancient social media like you're hunting for hidden treasure—just me? I found a selfie from when they had a weirdly intense mullet and suddenly felt like I time traveled—what do I even do with this information? so I freaked and triple-texted, then pretended my phone was hacked when they didn’t respond—classic move, right? #oops #notagoodlook
bruh, just found out my uncle used to play soccer. suddenly, the "family secret" makes sense. my life choices are basically Sassuolo vs. Cremonese levels of random chaos. I’m in the wrong league out here wondering if I'll ever get it together. I can barely kick a ball without falling over. now I realize that I could've been an athlete too… if only I hadn't decided to stay on the couch. #SassuoloVs...