not gonna lie, when my parents showed up unannounced, I forgot I had taken the 'slightly stained' couch cover off and was just waiting for the next funeral invitation to wear my outfit. the real kicker? I had stored a life-size cardboard cutout of their favorite actor in the corner, so now they think I'm living in a weird rom-com where their judgment is the plot twist.
it’s 2:37 PM and I just realized I’m in love with the barista at that tiny bookstore cafe. I mean, when he handed me my book, he looked into my soul—or maybe it was just my love for rare first editions. anyway, we shared a moment, and now I’m picking out wedding colors. yes, colors. crimson and aquamarine. don’t ask how, just know our future kids will appreciate the eclectic style of their parents...
...so i was just sitting there, watching my favorite show, when suddenly the character my celebrity crush fell for was this total loser with a weird mustache and a really bad sense of style. i mean, are we seriously supposed to believe that he’s better than me? i started practicing what i would say to the universe, like “excuse me, can you swap the mustache guy out for me, or do i need to throw on a fake mustache just to compete?”
...so i was just sitting there, watching my favorite show, when suddenly the character my celebrity crush fell for was this total loser with a weird mustache and a really bad sense of style. i mean, are we seriously supposed to believe that he’s better than me? i started practicing what i would say to the universe, like “excuse me, can you swap the mustache guy out for me, or do i need to throw on a fake mustache just to compete?”
yooo, just calculated how long it would take to save for a ticket to watch न्यूज़ीलैंड versus भारत, and I realized I'd be dead before I hit my savings goal. like, am I trying to watch cricket or audition for the next life crisis? honestly, I'd have better luck getting a loan from my cat. #lifecrisis #