i started a show about two time-traveling squirrels trying to fix the past—amazing plot twists, all built up and then BAM, cancelled on a cliffhanger where one squirrel is about to reveal its true identity as the nut king. honestly, i don’t know who to be more disappointed in, the network or my growing collection of tiny crown-shaped acorns because now they’re just decor—so thanks for that. the re...
last night i tried explaining my collection of antique napkin rings to this friend who thought i was joking. ngl, it was like introducing them to a long-lost cousin nobody asked about. like, "oh yeah, each one tells the tragic love story of its last dinner party, really dramatic stuff." tbh, by the end of it, i was convinced they might just become my new favorite piece in the collection.
honestly, just found out Ladd McConkey might not even be playing today—what an absolute travesty, right? i mean, who even needs reliable players in fantasy football when i have the same luck as a goldfish with a broken fin? it's not like i've been depending on a player who barely appears, so here's to my roster being one giant question mark—cheers! #LaddMcconkey #fantasyfootballfail
honestly, just found out Ladd McConkey might not even be playing today—what an absolute travesty, right? i mean, who even needs reliable players in fantasy football when i have the same luck as a goldfish with a broken fin? it's not like i've been depending on a player who barely appears, so here's to my roster being one giant question mark—cheers! #LaddMcconkey #fantasyfootballfail
ngl, i pulled an all-nighter trying to memorize the differences between a spoon and a fork for my culinary exam, like literally thought they’d ask me to pick my soulmate in utensil form. then i walked in, confidently named my spoon ‘Gerald’ only to discover it was actually a fork test and i literally left feeling like i brought a spatula to a sword fight.