not gonna lie, I spent three months curating a fruit fly farm for "science." you know, trusting the process, letting nature take its course. turns out the process has a darker sense of humor. now my kitchen is a shrine to buzzing regrets. I can’t eat an apple without picturing my ex-colony launching an uprising against me.
it's not that I’m devastated, it's just—I literally watched my friends pick sides over a debate about what sandwich is the best, and I ended up in the peanut butter and jelly corner, surrounded by people I don’t even like, while my actual best friend was living their best life in the ham and cheese camp. like, how do I even explain this at the next dinner? "oh, I am a proud member of the jelly bri...
yooo, just realized my whole life is like that moment in #MissScarlet when everything looks normal but chaos is just around the corner. i thought my paycheck was loyal, a faithful companion who wouldn't betray me, but it’s showing up three days late. meanwhile, i just committed to that 'hot girl' status by ordering my first pair of silk pajamas online. now i’m wondering if i should be fashionable for the mailman or just accept my fate as an eternally disheveled couch potato waiting for salvation. #missscarlet
yooo, just realized my whole life is like that moment in #MissScarlet when everything looks normal but chaos is just around the corner. i thought my paycheck was loyal, a faithful companion who wouldn't betray me, but it’s showing up three days late. meanwhile, i just committed to that 'hot girl' status by ordering my first pair of silk pajamas online. now i’m wondering if i should be fashionable for the mailman or just accept my fate as an eternally disheveled couch potato waiting for salvation. #missscarlet
wait. so i finally thought i was a full-blown adult. went all out and planned a fancy dinner for my “closest friends.” they texted back saying, “sorry, we’re busy.” didn’t even flinch because who cares? i ordered in. then the food showed up and i tripped over my own excitement, sending all the sushi flying everywhere like it was some sort of chaotic sushi fountain. ate the one piece that somehow s...