yooo, just accidentally liked a photo from forty-seven weeks ago. now i'm pretty sure the universe wants me to be the main character in a soap opera about heartbreak and suspension. dk metcalf got suspended and here i am, wishing my biggest drama was just picking a sandwich. can someone send help before my next crisis? #DkMetcalfSuspension #MyLifeIsAWreck
the way that my sibling borrowed fifteen dollars for an emergency snack two years ago and now their casual snack obsession has led to a multi-million-dollar gummy bear empire that has officially left me in a state of debt distress—if i had known all i would get in return is a sad voicemail about their latest 'life-changing' recipe for mac and cheese, i would have lent them a thirty-dollar loan ins...
literally spent an hour calculating how my life would be different if I chose to wear socks with sandals that one summer – instead of regretting it, I discovered I could have been a fashion icon, living in a parallel universe where people enthusiastically call me "the sock whisperer."
literally spent an hour calculating how my life would be different if I chose to wear socks with sandals that one summer – instead of regretting it, I discovered I could have been a fashion icon, living in a parallel universe where people enthusiastically call me "the sock whisperer."
yoo, just sat through a meeting where my boss took the credit for MY idea—like I literally came up with it while trying to avoid watching the steelers game highlights. then they praised my coworker instead. now i'm convinced i'm destined to live a life where no one remembers my genius, and maybe it's time to start manifesting a sideline job at the game instead. stay tuned for my revenge plot—I’m o...