bruh, just found out the person I defended for stealing my cereal was the one telling people I am the ‘human embodiment of a shrug.’ like, how do you even say that behind someone's back? — I thought we were cereal soulmates — now I’m questioning everything. had a whole plan to bake them cookies to make peace, but who needs enemies when you have a breakfast thief dissing you on the side? guess I’ll...
ever named a future pet with someone you talked to for five minutes at a party? yeah, we are going to have a parakeet named nacho and a hamster named taco. it was all so serious… and then they left without even knowing i’d created a whole BACKSTORY for nacho’s heroic quest for the last piece of pizza at midnight.
not gonna lie, I thought 30 was for people who have it all together—like, they know how to fold a fitted sheet and own more than one houseplant. but here I am, obsessively counting the number of different taco places I can hit in a week—should I be figuring out 401ks instead? I’m clearly not ready for this adulting thing and all I can think about is how I need to re-organize my sock drawer... AGAIN.
not gonna lie, I thought 30 was for people who have it all together—like, they know how to fold a fitted sheet and own more than one houseplant. but here I am, obsessively counting the number of different taco places I can hit in a week—should I be figuring out 401ks instead? I’m clearly not ready for this adulting thing and all I can think about is how I need to re-organize my sock drawer... AGAIN.
bruh, just realized my 'best friend' texts me only when they need a ride to pick up their mom's geraniums from the local flower shop. like, i’m basically their designated geranium chauffeur at this point. it’s the 6th time this month.