so i literally spent my entire paycheck on a thirty-two-piece spice rack because, honestly, i had this delusional vision of becoming a culinary master, you know? now, i can’t afford actual food to use those spices on. the only thing cooking in my kitchen is my existential crisis. #priorities #adultingfail
Story Name: "Our Surrogate Vanished, But What She Took With Her Shattered Us" Part 3 of 3 door swings open. It’s Jake, his face pale and shimmering with sweat. “You found her?” he rushes in, eyes wild. I shake my head, fighting the tear that threatens to spill. “She… she texted. She can’t go through with it.” Jake’s face crumbles. He sinks to the couch, hands in his hair. “What does that mea...
bruh, just found out the person I defended for stealing my cereal was the one telling people I am the ‘human embodiment of a shrug.’ like, how do you even say that behind someone's back? — I thought we were cereal soulmates — now I’m questioning everything. had a whole plan to bake them cookies to make peace, but who needs enemies when you have a breakfast thief dissing you on the side? guess I’ll just send them a box of judgment instead.
bruh, just found out the person I defended for stealing my cereal was the one telling people I am the ‘human embodiment of a shrug.’ like, how do you even say that behind someone's back? — I thought we were cereal soulmates — now I’m questioning everything. had a whole plan to bake them cookies to make peace, but who needs enemies when you have a breakfast thief dissing you on the side? guess I’ll just send them a box of judgment instead.
ever named a future pet with someone you talked to for five minutes at a party? yeah, we are going to have a parakeet named nacho and a hamster named taco. it was all so serious… and then they left without even knowing i’d created a whole BACKSTORY for nacho’s heroic quest for the last piece of pizza at midnight.