ever unsent a message just to realize they already saw it? yeah, that’s a brand new level of panic. like, congratulations, you played yourself. now i have to act like i didn't just send a manifesto about cheese preferences to a complete stranger. goodbye, social life. #oops #cheesefanclub
just realized i wrote a whole thank you speech for a fictional award—thank you to my cat for always judging my life choices—addressing the invisible crowd as if they could feel my pain—awarded for “Best Attempts at Adulting Without Any Clue”—the trophy would obviously be a half-empty bottle of shampoo—because why not—so… did i win or am i just talking to my bathroom mirror again? #delusionaldreams...
day 47 of ignoring the fact that my vacuum broke while simultaneously buying five new candles that will just sit in my closet. it’s 2 a.m. and my brain is like, “who needs clean floors when you can fill your space with SCENTED DELIGHT?” honestly, i’m basically just manifesting a world where a candlelight ceremony will replace the dust bunnies instead of addressing my real issues— like how do i even LIGHT them without tripping on the pile of old takeout? at this rate, my vacuum and i have agreed to an unspoken pact— if i can avoid adulthood, we will both live happily ever after in a pile of wax and regret.
day 47 of ignoring the fact that my vacuum broke while simultaneously buying five new candles that will just sit in my closet. it’s 2 a.m. and my brain is like, “who needs clean floors when you can fill your space with SCENTED DELIGHT?” honestly, i’m basically just manifesting a world where a candlelight ceremony will replace the dust bunnies instead of addressing my real issues— like how do i even LIGHT them without tripping on the pile of old takeout? at this rate, my vacuum and i have agreed to an unspoken pact— if i can avoid adulthood, we will both live happily ever after in a pile of wax and regret.
it's not that i checked my bank account and felt a visceral pain akin to watching Aston Villa lose to Nottingham Forest, it's just that now i’m on edge—an emotional wreck in denial. how do i explain to my therapist that i just need to convince myself my bank balance doesn’t exist, like my love life? at this point, it feels like i should start a support group for people suffering from financial tra...