last night, I accidentally sent my detailed analysis of the new ‘Dhurandhar’ movie to my work group chat instead of my best friend. my coworkers now know my emotional attachment to Ranveer Singh's hairline. if only they knew i cried over his impeccable dramatic monologue while arguing with my plants about life decisions. #DhurandharOtt #sendhelp
it's not that i snooped, it's just that their phone was right there and i was wide awake at three a.m. – but now i can't unsee the fanfiction they wrote about a dragon and their favorite fruit snack. i mean, who knew fruit snacks could play such an important role in interspecies romance? i should not have been involved in that decision.
so, i unsent a message to my landlord asking if my lease covered emotional support fish. like, what am i doing with my life? now i’m imagining him finding out my plans for a miniature underwater world and calling me to discuss “problems with my mental health” while the nurses are striking at kaiser. if this doesn’t escalate into me adopting a three-legged dog, i don’t know what will. #KaiserStrike #AdultingFail
so, i unsent a message to my landlord asking if my lease covered emotional support fish. like, what am i doing with my life? now i’m imagining him finding out my plans for a miniature underwater world and calling me to discuss “problems with my mental health” while the nurses are striking at kaiser. if this doesn’t escalate into me adopting a three-legged dog, i don’t know what will. #KaiserStrike #AdultingFail
i keep imagining the barista from that random coffee shop, the one with the blue hair and the best art on their lattes, reading my memoir one day. like, would they even know they inspired me? probably not. i mean, they don't even know i exist, but here i am plotting our entire emotional arc, and now i'm questioning if it counts as being...