I just sent a text about a person to that SAME PERSON. Yes. I thought I was texting my friend. And now we are all fully aware I think they are “an absolute icon” and “the star of my dreams.” This is my official apology, and yes, I will be reciting the “Lord of the Rings” in their presence for the next five years to make up for this mistake.
wait. my camera roll has photos that would require a lawyer to explain. like, why do i have 47 pictures of a half-eaten burrito from different angles? i don't even like burritos. who was i trying to impress? #foodfiasco #unexplaineduploads
wait. i spent a whole YEAR dedicating myself to that weird side hustle selling hand-knit cactus coasters on the internet. every morning I would wake up and check my sales like a relationship. i got - absolutely NOTHING back. guess I should have known the friendship was toxic when all I got were a handful of Etsy likes and no customers. #truelifecrisis #yikes
wait. i spent a whole YEAR dedicating myself to that weird side hustle selling hand-knit cactus coasters on the internet. every morning I would wake up and check my sales like a relationship. i got - absolutely NOTHING back. guess I should have known the friendship was toxic when all I got were a handful of Etsy likes and no customers. #truelifecrisis #yikes
i just found out the one friend i literally defended with my entire being has been texting people about how my obsession with pineapple on pizza is a red flag. like, are we in a twisted reality show? honestly, did we even have to put my food choices on blast like it’s a court case? and to think, i was prepared to audition for them in a ‘my friends are angels’ documentary. no one talks about how fr...