it’s 3am and my screen time report came in. a shocking THIRTEEN hours this week. and i didn’t even do anything productive. just scrolled through a conspiracy theory about squirrels controlling the government. now i understand why i have three email drafts titled “you can’t possibly think this is real.” can i blame the newfound obsession with horror? speaking of which, just saw something about a se...
its two am and my side hustle finally paid off. bought tickets to the republic day parade with money I made selling candles shaped like avocados. told my boss I got 'free tickets' and now he's expecting me to show up with an INSANE story about how I got to sit in a VIP section. meanwhile, I was just making sure my hand-poured candle didn’t smell like burnt toast. what happens when he realizes I'm ...
it's not that I was hiding anything, it's just... I accidentally uninvited my own neighbor to a block party in a group text where everyone can see the dramatic departure. like, I thought I was saying goodbye to my car’s oil change appointment, but instead, I sent a heartfelt farewell message about how much I appreciate their awkward attempts at small talk. now everyone knows I care too much about awkward conversations with strangers.
it's not that I was hiding anything, it's just... I accidentally uninvited my own neighbor to a block party in a group text where everyone can see the dramatic departure. like, I thought I was saying goodbye to my car’s oil change appointment, but instead, I sent a heartfelt farewell message about how much I appreciate their awkward attempts at small talk. now everyone knows I care too much about awkward conversations with strangers.
the other day, i wrote a detailed analysis of why pigeons are actually the government’s spies. in my notes, i included data charts and even a pie chart titled “percentage of bread crumbs consumed.” if someone ever found that, i think i would need to move to a different country. #conspiracytheories #pigeonpatrol