just realized i’ve written an entire acceptance speech for an imaginary award for “best unbothered browsing habits.” it includes a heartfelt shoutout to my fifteen tabs of obscure conspiracy theories and a dramatic mention of that one article about octopus intelligence that definitely changed my life. the way i practiced it in the shower while my neighbor probably thought i was crying over my ex i...
not gonna lie, I spent last night writing an elaborate thank you speech for a fictional award I absolutely do not deserve. my biggest fear now is that Anushka Sharma will come to my imaginary acceptance ceremony and wonder why I am standing at a podium in my pajamas talking about “overcoming life’s little challenges.” I still haven’t recovered from accidentally sending a heartfelt message to the w...
ever send a four paragraph breakup text, pouring your soul into each word, only to get a one-word reply that’s just ‘ok’? it’s like writing the entire screenplay for a movie and then the director says they just want a home video of a cat... i think i’m going to unfollow all my ex's plants now, they don’t need to thrive after that. #soulcrushing #writingisart
ever send a four paragraph breakup text, pouring your soul into each word, only to get a one-word reply that’s just ‘ok’? it’s like writing the entire screenplay for a movie and then the director says they just want a home video of a cat... i think i’m going to unfollow all my ex's plants now, they don’t need to thrive after that. #soulcrushing #writingisart
wait, my boss literally said "we're like family here" right before telling us no raises this year. so, does that mean we should expect birthday gifts that are just leftover donuts from the break room? great, at least my salary can finally join the other “dead weight” in the family. #CorporateLove #FamilyTies