it's three am and i'm spiraling over how my parents were my age when they had mortgages and stability. meanwhile, i'm staring at my snack cabinet, debating if pop tarts count as a dinner replacement. don cheadle has it together while i'm here feeling like a failed human auditioning for the role of "hot mess." will i ever pull it together? probably not. #DonCheadle #adultingfail
it’s four pm on a holiday, and I am slowly trying to eat my way through a buffet of guilt. I thought I was just awkwardly balancing my plate on my knee when suddenly—everyone is looking at me, ready to stage an intervention about my life choices. as if i asked for their advice on the absurdity of mixing cranberry sauce with mashed potatoes—who made them the food police? apparently, my big life dec...
it’s four a.m. and i just realized i have memorized every single episode of that weird gardening show. i don’t even garden. the hosts don’t know my name, yet i have written them 13 letters detailing my hypothetical compost strategy. meanwhile, the company that pays my bills will drop me faster than a potato off a roller coaster, and i am here plotting my daytime television debut in a spinoff series called “plant gossip.” and you know what? i’m still watching reruns, clinging to the hope that my long-lost friendship with a couple of potted plants will pay off someday.
it’s four a.m. and i just realized i have memorized every single episode of that weird gardening show. i don’t even garden. the hosts don’t know my name, yet i have written them 13 letters detailing my hypothetical compost strategy. meanwhile, the company that pays my bills will drop me faster than a potato off a roller coaster, and i am here plotting my daytime television debut in a spinoff series called “plant gossip.” and you know what? i’m still watching reruns, clinging to the hope that my long-lost friendship with a couple of potted plants will pay off someday.
no because i just found out my ex is dating my friend, and they literally had their first date at the 24-hour diner where i confessed my deepest secrets to them. like, do they think i am just out here WAITING to be haunted by the ghost of decisions past? #whatjusthappened #isthisrealife