day 47 of my parents' divorce and somehow i'm the therapist in the family. they literally had a disagreement over who gets the orange couch, and here i am, visualizing de'Anthony Melton saving my life as i awkwardly juggle their complaints. i mean, does manifesting him actually working for my family count as a successful strategy, or is that just delusional? #DeaposanthonyMelton #familydrama
its not that im obsessed, but i spent the last hour wondering if the Denver Nuggets beat the Wizards because they heard my phone malfunctioned last week and i got really mad at my text messages for ignoring me. i sat down to figure out if they were planning revenge on my life choices. meanwhile, my lunch decided to rebel and i accidentally combined ketchup with my salad dressing. cant decide which...
the way that somehow i have turned into the referee in my parents' divorce, drawing up emotional playbooks and negotiating over who gets the blender — like excuse me, i thought we agreed that no one uses the word 'custody' in this house. #divorcejudge #blenderbattle
the way that somehow i have turned into the referee in my parents' divorce, drawing up emotional playbooks and negotiating over who gets the blender — like excuse me, i thought we agreed that no one uses the word 'custody' in this house. #divorcejudge #blenderbattle
wait. so someone casually strolled past my laptop while I was deep in a web of conspiracy theories about potato chips being secretly sentient. I locked eyes with them and we both just... nodded, like we acknowledged a silent agreement to pretend we didn’t see it. now every time I look at chips, I feel this wave of ANXIETY because are they judging me? do they think I'm onto something, or worse, jus...