so, my neighbor offered me his secret stash of pickles he made himself, which like, I totally passed on because who even eats homemade pickles, right? but now he’s giving them away to everyone else and suddenly my fridge is looking like an EMPTY VOID, while my regret is like literally swimming in a jar of dill and garlic.
it’s not that i’m still thinking about him—it's just that my toaster broke and now i'm losing my mind imagining him in the repair shop giving his number to the technician—like he's somehow charming everyone who can fix kitchen appliances. i swear, i had a toast emergency, and now the only thing burning is my own imagination.
literally just remembered when life was simpler, like when i could eat cereal for dinner and still feel like a gourmet chef. now i’m stuck staring at my empty fridge, waiting for my paycheck that’s three days late, debating if tap water counts as hydration or a budget meal plan.
literally just remembered when life was simpler, like when i could eat cereal for dinner and still feel like a gourmet chef. now i’m stuck staring at my empty fridge, waiting for my paycheck that’s three days late, debating if tap water counts as hydration or a budget meal plan.
so my parents just popped by unannounced, right, and I was trying to hide my box of “just-in-case” wine from my ex’s breakup stash while frantically scooping a month’s worth of takeout containers into the closet and my mom goes, “you really should invite us in next time...” and I’m standing there like, invite you to what, the shrine of despair that is my couch covered in unreturned library books a...