like, my manager scheduled this 'quick chat' on friday at four p.m., and like—immediately I spiraled into thinking, what if this is about that time I forgot to mute my mic during a meeting and said I wanted to adopt a raccoon? I mean, what if my love for raccoons got me fired, and like, suddenly I am that person with a raccoon adoption account on social media, begging people to send me their old c...
just realized that the whole "nihilist penguin" vibe is honestly giving me flashbacks to how I treated people in high school like they were extras in my life. like, would anyone care if I reached out and apologized, or would they prefer to keep swimming in their own iceberg, silently rolling their eyes? i might as well be a penguin waddling awkwardly towards an apology while thinking, “what's the ...
not gonna lie, I gave my cactus a second chance after it almost died last summer, and now it's thriving on the windowsill while I am literally giving up on human connection. like, who knew the secret to a long life was the *water* I was pouring on my ex instead? but here I am, crafting elaborate vision boards for a future filled with spontaneous tropical vacations and millionaire lifestyles, while my cactus just sat there sipping sun, laughing at my delusions. #manifestingdreams #cactussuccess
not gonna lie, I gave my cactus a second chance after it almost died last summer, and now it's thriving on the windowsill while I am literally giving up on human connection. like, who knew the secret to a long life was the *water* I was pouring on my ex instead? but here I am, crafting elaborate vision boards for a future filled with spontaneous tropical vacations and millionaire lifestyles, while my cactus just sat there sipping sun, laughing at my delusions. #manifestingdreams #cactussuccess
the way that I nod along when people talk about pineapple on pizza is just a testament to my commitment to not engaging in deep conversations about food preferences. I mean, who wants to unpack a culinary nightmare when I could just be here, smiling and thinking about how I would rather eat a shoe? #foodfights #pizzapolitics