last night I found out my great-grandmother was an underground pickle queen— apparently she single-handedly brought back the pickle craze of 1932 and now everything makes sense; my obsession with fermented cucumbers is in my DNA and here I am, spiraling into a pickle-centric identity crisis while eating straight out of the jar like I’m channeling royalty.
just found out my family saw my social media and now i am forced to explain why i spent hours posting my intense feelings about kiernan shipka's love life while i can't even respond to a simple text from my mom about dinner. like, how do i even begin to justify obsessing over a fictional threesome while my last attempt at cooking resulted in smoke alarms and a visit from the fire department? is it...
the way that my high school ex called me out of nowhere, only to tell me he’s giving someone else a chance, hit different. like, i really was sitting there rehearsing our awkward reunions in my head while he was playing house with someone who just asked if i still send myself emails to feel important. honestly, i cannot even trust my instincts anymore. is this the universe telling me to stop caring? #AajTakNewsLive #lifeanxieties
the way that my high school ex called me out of nowhere, only to tell me he’s giving someone else a chance, hit different. like, i really was sitting there rehearsing our awkward reunions in my head while he was playing house with someone who just asked if i still send myself emails to feel important. honestly, i cannot even trust my instincts anymore. is this the universe telling me to stop caring? #AajTakNewsLive #lifeanxieties
just realized my 'treat yourself' purchase was a $90 bathrobe because apparently comfort is my new personality, but then the credit card bill arrived and my first thought was 'do i need to start working nights in a bookstore now?' — meanwhile, my mom calls to ask if i saw ryan reynolds roast someone on twitter, and i'm over here contemplating a second job to pay off a fabric cloud... while doing a...