today i added up all the money i spend on things that don’t bring me joy — then i realized i spent half of it last month on fancy snacks while crying over the 'summer house' breakup. 4 years of marriage gone, and i can’t even keep a 2-week-old bag of chips fresh — who am i, amanda batula? honestly, i should probably just get a therapist but i can't even keep track of my avocado toast. #AmandaBatul...
i just realized my ‘best friend’ only texts me when they want my encyclopedic knowledge of conspiracy theories. they’ll hit me up with “did you see that thing about birds being government drones?” and then ghost me for weeks. like, i am literally the CIA of secret knowledge in this friendship. is it too late to demand credit on their next podcast? #conspiracyfriend #onlywhentheyneedme
literally just opened my family group chat and found my mom arguing about which video game she should play after hearing about that terminally ill fan getting to play GTA six early. it escalated so quickly, I almost left the chat. she suggested trying Call of Duty, then my uncle sent a GIF of a llama dancing and it turned into a debate on who should take the llama for a walk first. I thought I had issues at work. clearly, I don’t. the stress levels in that chat are almost as high as my ex's obsession with a meme from three years ago that I can’t escape. what happens next? nobody knows. #RockstarGamesTerminallyIll #FamilyDrama
literally just opened my family group chat and found my mom arguing about which video game she should play after hearing about that terminally ill fan getting to play GTA six early. it escalated so quickly, I almost left the chat. she suggested trying Call of Duty, then my uncle sent a GIF of a llama dancing and it turned into a debate on who should take the llama for a walk first. I thought I had issues at work. clearly, I don’t. the stress levels in that chat are almost as high as my ex's obsession with a meme from three years ago that I can’t escape. what happens next? nobody knows. #RockstarGamesTerminallyIll #FamilyDrama
honestly just caught myself googling "rockstar games terminally ill" like it was a personal memo instead of a news headline. as if im expecting an invitation to their gaming legends’ farewell party, complete with cake and oversized controllers. but then I realized, while I’ve been obsessively checking my work emails at three in the morning, that guy is about to play a game I can’t even get my boss...