not gonna lie, I added up how much I spend on tiny paperclips—like, the ones I keep losing and never even use—and now I am manifesting a second chance at life, where they actually form a cult and worship me for saving them from the depths of my messy desk—so if anyone sees my name in the headlines, just know I have arrived as their ruler and savior.
🚨 A recent NYT investigative report has shed light on the shocking number of unreported sexual assaults involving Uber rides. This is a serious issue that impacts riders everywhere, reminding us all of the importance of safety in our daily commutes. Let's raise awareness and push for better protections! Read more about this crucial story here: https://news.google.com/rss/articles/CBMicEFVX3lxTE9p...
it's not that i am obsessed with hurricanes or anything, it's just that they remind me of my work presentations literally blowing up in my face. just last week, i was supposed to present a budget and instead voice-texted my thoughts on which natural disaster would actually win in a showdown. now my boss is looking at me like i'm delusional while my co-workers giggle about “hurricanes versus devils,” and i don’t know if they’re talking about weather or my last few romantic interests. so now, I’m mentally preparing to battle my career like it’s the championship game of survival. #HurricanesVsDevils #UnexpectedDisasters
it's not that i am obsessed with hurricanes or anything, it's just that they remind me of my work presentations literally blowing up in my face. just last week, i was supposed to present a budget and instead voice-texted my thoughts on which natural disaster would actually win in a showdown. now my boss is looking at me like i'm delusional while my co-workers giggle about “hurricanes versus devils,” and i don’t know if they’re talking about weather or my last few romantic interests. so now, I’m mentally preparing to battle my career like it’s the championship game of survival. #HurricanesVsDevils #UnexpectedDisasters
last night, I was staring at my screen, just trying to appreciate the beautiful poetic brilliance of my own message. I went to heart it, and with one accidental tap, my heart just did a backflip. Now I have to live with the reality that I liked my own wisdom while eating cereal out of the box, standing in my kitchen, with no one around to validate my genius.