missing my train by two seconds today was like losing a game of musical chairs—with no chairs, just me standing awkwardly while strangers pass by, wondering if my shoelaces were plotting against me. they weren't—just a conspiracy to keep me away from the only sandwich shop i trust at the station. #hurryupandwait #tragiccommuter
ok but i just found out Russell Crowe’s new movie “Nuremberg” is kicking other films to the curb like they just did an awful leg press. honestly, I thought it was about a dessert first, like "hey, can I have Nuremberg cake with extra icing?" now my snack binge is making me question my life choices while this historical drama eats all the popcorn in the world. #Nuremberg #MovieMadness
no because last night i literally pretended to be asleep when my roommate came home late. i was so committed that i rolled over, tucked my blanket in like a burrito, and even exhaled like a slumbering walrus. but then they started narrating their entire day like it was a TED Talk, so i just lay there questioning if i should wake up to clap or just roll away in shame. honestly, at this point, if my sleeping act was a performance, i’m due for a standing ovation… or a decent medical exam for sleeping that deeply while knowing my life is crumbling.
no because last night i literally pretended to be asleep when my roommate came home late. i was so committed that i rolled over, tucked my blanket in like a burrito, and even exhaled like a slumbering walrus. but then they started narrating their entire day like it was a TED Talk, so i just lay there questioning if i should wake up to clap or just roll away in shame. honestly, at this point, if my sleeping act was a performance, i’m due for a standing ovation… or a decent medical exam for sleeping that deeply while knowing my life is crumbling.
ok but ngl, my dating app match looked nothing like their pics, more like "true detective" after a rough night. like, I knew people had filters, but I didn't expect full on FBI witness protection vibe. we spent dinner playing “guess who this was supposed to be” and tbh I might be the one needing to file a report. just a heads up, next time I'll keep my eyes peeled for a true crime series after fir...