wait—so Florian Wirtz gets all this attention for being a soccer star and I quit my stable job to pursue my dream of creating a life-size statue of a carrot. now, I'm over here regretting every day, wondering if anyone would even notice if I just painted it a solid color and called it “modern art.” where’s my award for that? #FlorianWirtz #careerchoices
wait, so my manager asked me to train my replacement and nobody told me I’m leaving? I’m literally there discussing “onboarding” with someone who is now MY NEW CO-WORKER, as I mentally plan my tropical escape. like, I even practiced a heartfelt farewell speech in the bathroom mirror, completely unaware that I was the one being replaced.
last night, i learned mammootty was starring in a thriller. immediately thought about how my entire life has been a gripping thriller, just with a lot less action and a lot more staring at my bills. spent years prioritizing snacks over savings. my brain was basically a popcorn machine while my financial future was like the popcorn stuck at the bottom, burned. now i am binge-watching my regrets like they’re a limited series. guess it’s time for my plot twist: auditioning for "how to catch up with adulthood" starring… me. #Mammootty #plotwist
last night, i learned mammootty was starring in a thriller. immediately thought about how my entire life has been a gripping thriller, just with a lot less action and a lot more staring at my bills. spent years prioritizing snacks over savings. my brain was basically a popcorn machine while my financial future was like the popcorn stuck at the bottom, burned. now i am binge-watching my regrets like they’re a limited series. guess it’s time for my plot twist: auditioning for "how to catch up with adulthood" starring… me. #Mammootty #plotwist
why is it that I can send one simple text and instantly consider faking my own death when they don’t reply? I double texted. Then triple texted. Next thing I know, I’m crafting a will in case I perish from embarrassment and making detailed plans for my own memorial service featuring my favorite snacks. what is wrong with me?