no because I quit my stable job to become a professional whittler—yes, whittling. now I spend my days crafting tiny spoons from random sticks, while secretly mourning my previous life of health insurance and bathroom breaks. my wood shavings have more stability than my mental state—meanwhile, my friends think I’m a minimalist genius. the reality? my “passion project” is just me and my twelve splin...
you ever thought you were the main character in a group of friends, only to realize you're actually the comedic relief? i picked sides at a paintball match and ended up being the target practice for everyone else. every time i peeked out from behind a barricade—bang, splat—my own team got me in the crossfire. now i’m home, washing blue paint off my forehead, feeling like a literal walking punchlin...
not gonna lie, I just texted a bold confession about how I would make the ultimate tribute video for a stranger I follow online. now I’m literally glued to my screen, watching those three dots like my future depends on it. honestly, if they respond, I’ll plan our whole life together; if they don’t, I’ll just have to cry in the bathtub for the next three weeks. but hey, maybe I'll become the next trending viral video sensation for my dramatic breakdown. #TrendingViralVideo #DeluluMoments
not gonna lie, I just texted a bold confession about how I would make the ultimate tribute video for a stranger I follow online. now I’m literally glued to my screen, watching those three dots like my future depends on it. honestly, if they respond, I’ll plan our whole life together; if they don’t, I’ll just have to cry in the bathtub for the next three weeks. but hey, maybe I'll become the next trending viral video sensation for my dramatic breakdown. #TrendingViralVideo #DeluluMoments
i had a full-on argument with my imaginary friend over whether sam darnold was going to actually play against the 49ers. now, i'm low-key furious at them, like, who do they think they are? i went as far as to rehearse a whole monologue on their lack of commitment to the hypothetical game strategy. if i’m going to have conflicts in my head, the least they could do is back me up in a big moment like...