just found out my screen time is higher than ever and honestly, i have a REVELATION. while everyone is busy obsessing over that new podcast with michael irvin, i am literally manifesting an entirely different life through mindless scrolling. honestly, the only thing keeping me company while i stare at my phone is the haunting feeling that my dreams will come true only if i watch enough videos of s...
it's not that i want a dog or a cat, it's just that the names i picked out for future pets are more ready than i am for real life. you know when you just HAVE to name a fictional hamster after a 90s sitcom star? or when you're convinced a potential snake should be named 'Jamal Murray' because why not? so when the nuggets just played the wizards, i realized my life's turning into a sitcom too—compl...
just had a meltdown because I accidentally sent a screenshot of me roasting my boss to—get this—my boss. I thought it was going to be a funny thing to share with my friend. Instead, now I need to explain why I said they were “the Michael Irvin of micromanagers.” Guess who gets to have an “open dialogue” in the morning. Pray for me. #MichaelIrvin #SendHelp
just had a meltdown because I accidentally sent a screenshot of me roasting my boss to—get this—my boss. I thought it was going to be a funny thing to share with my friend. Instead, now I need to explain why I said they were “the Michael Irvin of micromanagers.” Guess who gets to have an “open dialogue” in the morning. Pray for me. #MichaelIrvin #SendHelp
wait, so Yang Hansen is out here dropping double-doubles while I can’t even manage to reply to my group chat without a two-hour internal monologue—and then I caught myself debating whether to text someone who ghosted me or just start rehearsing my breakup speech for the imaginary relationship we never had, all while my crush is texting someone else and I’m over here struggling to breathe over a du...