today i helped my neighbor haggle a smart tv price down to half. like, who knew i had the power to negotiate in a language we both didn't speak... but when the guy started calling my neighbor “Sir” in broken English, i realized, maybe i just taught him that smart tvs come with human sacrifices on sale too? # #bargainingheroes
so, turns out i spent more this month on an elaborate scratching post for my cat than i did on groceries, which honestly just makes sense. i mean, the NFL has announcers like ian eagle, and my cat needs his own version of a plush sports commentary tower to really feel that excitement, right? #IanEagle #CatConnoisseur
ngl, I tried to just clean out my sock drawer, but then it turned into a full-blown charity event. Like I blinked and somehow a dozen people showed up thinking it was a networking opportunity for “sock enthusiasts”... turns out they were all just very passionate about the right to remain cozy. And now I’ve somehow arranged a meeting that ends with me giving a TED talk about sock alignment and also forgetting to throw out the old mismatched pairs like I planned—classic...
ngl, I tried to just clean out my sock drawer, but then it turned into a full-blown charity event. Like I blinked and somehow a dozen people showed up thinking it was a networking opportunity for “sock enthusiasts”... turns out they were all just very passionate about the right to remain cozy. And now I’ve somehow arranged a meeting that ends with me giving a TED talk about sock alignment and also forgetting to throw out the old mismatched pairs like I planned—classic...
ok but how did i sleep for 8 hours and still wake up feeling like i just finished a triathlon in my dreams? like did i wake up in a parallel universe where time is measured in turtle movements or... i could’ve sworn i just fought off a group of rogue bedbugs in my sleep. now i need a nap just to recover from my solid night of “rest.”