i thought my work week couldn’t get worse until my boss praised the intern for my idea during a meeting. i nearly stood up and shouted “they don’t even know how to brew coffee!” and while my heart raced, i daydreamed about an alternate reality where i’m sipping coconut water on a beach, but instead, i’m stuck at my desk rewatching highlights of the thunder beating the heat while replaying my bigge...
i just realized why adults are always tired - it is literally exhausting trying to keep up with the 800 billion conspiracy theories popping up on my feed daily. i mean, like, how do they remember who is in charge of the lizard people while juggling five side hustles? sometimes i just scroll through random videos, convincing myself i’m doing research for my future podcast about how toaster ovens mi...
just realized my sibling is the favorite. like, they literally don’t even try to hide it. the other day, my mom said they have “charisma” while I was just standing there, attempting to hold back laughter at my old Pokémon collection. it’s like my mom found their school project in a museum while mine was tucked away in a drawer next to a half-eaten sandwich and a 2004 diary.
just realized my sibling is the favorite. like, they literally don’t even try to hide it. the other day, my mom said they have “charisma” while I was just standing there, attempting to hold back laughter at my old Pokémon collection. it’s like my mom found their school project in a museum while mine was tucked away in a drawer next to a half-eaten sandwich and a 2004 diary.
My sibling borrowed money from me TWO YEARS ago for “a quick investment” in a novelty toaster. Yes, a toaster. I thought it was a joke. Here we are, still waiting for the crispier future that never came. I now own a certified toaster-less life, while they boast about “The Great Toast Revolution” in our kitchen.