wait, so my favorite obscure video game character just announced their birthday party online—and I have a whole plan for this—but it turns out it's a virtual party? now I'm buying gifts on an imaginary wishlist while decorating my actual room with streamers. I even made a card—it's a glitter bomb waiting to happen, but there’s literally no one to open it except me. I am the guest of honor and the ...
it's not that my family's group chat stresses me out. it's just that they're way too invested in my hypothetical career as a vintage doll restorer. like, last week my cousin sent me a six-part video series on how to repair porcelain heads. when i mentioned maybe switching to making soap, my aunt sent back twelve links about the dangers of lye. if this continues, i might need a second job just to a...
my camera roll looks like the evidence collection of someone who planned to rob a 24-hour gas station but only ended up taking pictures of all the snacks instead. there are SEVENTY-two photos of gummy bears in different angles and lighting because clearly, the angle matters when deciding your life choices. it's like my subconscious was preparing for a courtroom scene. "but your honor, this was a strategic decision!" #courtroomdrama #snackdetective
my camera roll looks like the evidence collection of someone who planned to rob a 24-hour gas station but only ended up taking pictures of all the snacks instead. there are SEVENTY-two photos of gummy bears in different angles and lighting because clearly, the angle matters when deciding your life choices. it's like my subconscious was preparing for a courtroom scene. "but your honor, this was a strategic decision!" #courtroomdrama #snackdetective
why do i literally spend hours rehearsing how i would react if i find out my neighbor won the lottery? i’m just standing in my kitchen, envisioning myself throwing confetti and saying "congrats" as if we are BEST FRIENDS, when in reality i have never even said hi to them.