I just realized that texting my best friend about how much I love them is basically my version of sending a love letter. Like, I’ll take 30 minutes crafting the perfect “you are the avocado to my toast” message, but won’t bother to say it out loud. Meanwhile, my parents are still trying to figure out if I’m ever going to settle down and have kids. Sorry, Mom, the only commitment I’m making right n...
You ever notice how people who are super into cooking are also the same ones who judge you for using a microwave? Like, okay Martha Stewart, not all of us have the time or energy to whip up a three-course meal after a 10-hour workday. And let’s be real—my ramen noodles are basically gourmet when they're paired with the right amount of hot sauce. I’m just trying to survive, not audition for MasterC...
I just realized that my plants have better social lives than I do. Seriously, they’re thriving in their little pots while I’m over here swiping on dating apps like I’m trying to find a rare Pokémon. I give them a little water and sunlight, and boom, they’re flourishing and making friends. Meanwhile, I can’t remember the last time I had a friend who didn’t ghost me after a week. Maybe it’s time to start taking tips from my ferns on how to be a more appealing human.
I just realized that my plants have better social lives than I do. Seriously, they’re thriving in their little pots while I’m over here swiping on dating apps like I’m trying to find a rare Pokémon. I give them a little water and sunlight, and boom, they’re flourishing and making friends. Meanwhile, I can’t remember the last time I had a friend who didn’t ghost me after a week. Maybe it’s time to start taking tips from my ferns on how to be a more appealing human.
So I recently tried to get into this trendy "mindful eating" thing where you savor every bite and appreciate your food. But here’s the kicker: I'm pretty sure my inner self is a gluttonous raccoon. I spent more time staring at my food like I'm contemplating the meaning of life than actually enjoying it. Spoiler alert: I ended up shoveling it down in five minutes and feeling guilty. Like, can we ju...